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最容易侵蚀你意志力的四件事情

发布时间:2016-03-16 已有 6060 人围观

文 / Sherry Pagoto, Ph.D.

Willpower is the ability to inhibit an impulse or desire. It is threatened when an immediate pleasure is in competition with a long-term goal. We want to eat the doughnut, put another dollar in the slot machine, have one more drink, or tell off the boss, but know in the long run these may not be the best decisions. Pigging out right now will create problems for me later, but I really want to, so what should I do? Sometimes you cave, other times you hold strong. Willpower is not a constant. It is not the case that you either have it or you don't, rather it is the case that sometimes you have it and sometimes you don't. The big question is this: what makes us cave and what makes us strong? In this post I will discuss the 4 most important reasons we cave. By avoiding these traps, you will more easily exercise your willpower, which will move you closer to achieving what you really want in life.

所谓意志力就是抑制冲动和欲望的能力。在你和长期的目标做竞争时,暂时的寻欢享受会威胁你的意志力。我们想吃炸面圈,我们就会向投硬币口投入另一美元,接着喝更多的饮料,或是吩咐一下店主。但是我们知道长期以往下去,这或许并不是最好的决定。即刻狼吞虎咽之后随之而来的是问题与麻烦,但是我就是想大吃大喝,我应该做些什么呢?有时你会屈服于你的意志,又时你会意志坚定。意志力不是持久不变的。并不是你有还是没有意志力的问题,而是你有时有,有时没有的问题。最大的问题是:什么使我们屈服,又是什么使我们坚定。就这一问题,我会阐述使我们意志屈服的4个原因。避免这些陷阱,你锻炼培养意志力,会轻而易举,并使你梦寐以求的生活不再遥远,近在咫尺。

1. 心理上的疼痛

1. Psychological Pain—Stress, depression, anger, and anxiety are the “pain” emotions. Just like physical pain, we are highly motivated to escape psychological pain. If you touch a hot stove, you will immediately and instinctively withdraw your hand. We just as readily and instinctively withdraw from psychological pain, only it is never as easy as just removing your hand from heat. Immediate pleasures are very alluring in moments of pain because they take on one additional purpose—they take the edge off the pain. Pain doubles the power of immediate pleasure, making you very vulnerable to failures of willpower. The research literature consistently shows that psychological pain is the most significant factor affecting loss of control across all pleasure-seeking behaviors, whether it is drinking, smoking, eating, gambling, sex, drugs, etc. If you have a vice, pain will put you in the car and drive you to it. If you know someone who is spinning out of control, you can bet they are engulfed in pain that they are desperately attempting to escape. If you are stuck in a cycle of psychological pain, focus on getting to the source of your pain or else it will gradually erode your self-control.

第一,心理上的疼痛——压力,沮丧,懊恼和焦虑,这些都是情感的伤痛。我们会逃避心理上的伤痛正如我们躲避身体上的伤痛一样。当你碰到灼烫的火炉,你会立即本能得缩回手。同理,我们对于心理上的伤痛也会下意识有准备本能的退缩,因为这不仅仅只是遇烫缩手那样轻而易举。在伤痛是,暂时的的放纵娱乐是充满诱惑力的因为这可使目标转移——使疼痛边缘化。疼痛会加深自我娱乐放纵的程度,使你变得脆弱,使你意志力丧失。调查研究文献一致表明:使人丧失控制力并寻求放纵行为(饮酒,吸烟,暴食,赌博,滥交,吸毒等)的最主要的因素就是心理疼痛。若你有恶习,心里疼痛会让你步入并迅速沉沦于此。如果一旦默认丧失了自制,你敢打赌他一定是被伤痛所席卷并且拼命名的想去逃避。若你陷入了心理伤痛的恶性循环圈,只关注于伤痛之类的事,它就会逐步的侵蚀你的自制。

2. 自我剥夺

2. Deprivation—Deprivation is a prolonged state of being restricted from something that is highly desirable. The old adage, absence makes the heart grow fonder, is true in many senses. This is precisely why strict diets that have forbidden foods almost always fail. Eventually, we cave. Why? Deprivation increases the power of what we desire. The tension between the immediate pleasure and long-term consequence tips in favor of the immediate pleasure, making that negotiation more difficult. What to do? Moderation is key but be aware of the fine line between moderation and indulgence. Moderation doesn’t mean that you should consume every unhealthy food you can think of in moderation (e.g., donuts, pizza, cheeseburgers, candy, cookies, etc) because if one truly ate this way they could be eating unhealthy foods all day long. The object is to practice moderation for the entirety of unhealthy foods. Eat healthy almost always, but put nothing off limits or you risk empowering your temptations. (Note that moderation often does not work in the case of addictive behaviors. In that case, abstinence may be necessary for feelings of deprivation to eventually cease.)

第二,自我剥夺——是对欲望限制压抑的一种长久持续的状态。如一个旧格言,小别胜新婚。这也就是为什么严格的饮食规律总会被吃了禁止吃的食物而i打破。最后我们屈服了,为什么会这样呢?自我剥夺增加了欲望的力量。短暂的放纵娱乐与它带来的长期的后果之间的冲突讲会使人放弃支持短暂娱乐放纵行为,是这两者和谐是困难的。那该怎么做呢?适度是关键,而且要清楚地明白适度和放纵之间的界限。适度并不是意味着你可以以你自认为是适度的的方式去吃各种各样不健康的食物,如油炸圈饼,披萨,奶酪,糖果,油炸食物等。,这是因为如果一个人真的以这种方式吃下去的话,他们会整天吃这些不健康的食物。对于绝对的垃圾食物,要实践适度,是其目标。经常健康饮食,但是不压抑或是挑战你的欲望。(提醒:适度与痴迷上瘾的行为无关。节制节欲可能会形成自我剥夺感,会导致最终的节制消失停止。

3. 可获得性

3. Availability—Resisting chocolate cake is a cinch when you are stranded on a desert island. I’m a willpower pro on a desert island! When temptations are not available, willpower is a nonissue. Nobody eats ice cream they don’t have. Design your life like that desert island, by distancing yourself from the things that push your pleasure buttons. Get them out of the house. The presence of temptations not only increases your failure rate but also distracts you by forcing you to spend energy on a constant mental struggle when your attention could be better spent on...well...life!

第三,可获得性——当你陷入荒无人烟的孤岛时,抵制巧克力可以说是易如反掌。在孤岛上,我拥有好的意志力!当诱惑无法得到,这就和意志力毫无相干。没有冰激凌的人是不会吃到它的。把你的生活变得就像在孤岛上,远离那些引诱你放纵娱乐的东西,把它们驱逐出屋。那些存在的诱惑不仅使你失败的频率增加,还使你分心——本应该花时间去关注更好的生活的,却因纠结于是否应该放纵的精神斗争中,夺取了大量的精力。

4. 自我合理化和讨价还价

4. Rationalization and Bargaining—This one can be the trickiest to overcome. We tell ourselves our best lies. And we are the biggest believers of our own BS. I mentioned above that willpower is when the immediate pleasure is in competition with a long-term consequence. We use rationalization to talk ourselves out of that being the current state. We argue that there will be no negative long-term consequence so there is no need to resist the current temptation. What is one doughnut? A few drinks isn’t going to hurt anything! I’m not suggesting you live a life that is lacking in indulgences, but be careful that rationalization can be used at too many decision points, slowly eroding your ability to ever resist. Bargaining works the same way. We strike a deal with ourselves that we will work to offset the consequences later. "I’m going to eat and drink too much tonight, but it will be ok because I’m going to workout extra this weekend." If you find yourself often promising to clean up your messes later, you are bargaining. The problem is that "later” is also filled with temptations. The messes compound and the time to clean them up just never comes. I recommend paying all debts in advance. If you know you are going to consume 1,000 more calories at dinner than usual, make a plan to have accounted for it before the time comes (a reasonable plan that involves both exercise and diet, not by starving yourself in advance). By planning in advance, there is no issue of willpower, no need to bargain, and no mess to clean up. The good news is that each and every one of us has control over our willpower—if we want it. Take control of your willpower or else it may take control of you.

第四,自我合理化和和自我讨价还价——这是最为复杂,并且是难以克服。我们对自己撒谎,对于自己的BS我们深信不移。以上我所提到的,就是当暂时的放纵享受与后果相撞时,这时就是意志力出现时。我们对自己当前状态,自我言说,自我合理化。我们规劝自己根本不会有什么长期的不良后果,因而我们根本没有必要去抵制当前诱惑。一个炸面圈圈又有什么关系呢?少量的饮酒根本不会给身体带来任何伤害!我并不建议在你的生活中,你从不放纵,但是要小心合理化会被用在你做决定时,会慢慢的腐蚀减弱你抵制诱惑的能力。对自我的讨价还价也是如此。我们经常与我们自己达成协议——我们会努力工作来抵消以后的后果。“我今天晚上会大吃大喝,但是这也没关系因为在这个周末会多做运动。”如果你发现你自己经常许诺自己过会在清理垃圾,你是在给自己讨价还价。问题的关键是“以后”也是充满诱惑。杂物就会堆加,你动手整理他们的时间永远不会到来。我建议尽早还清你的贷款。如果你知道晚饭你要比平时多摄入一千卡路里,那么在这之前,你就要为你自己制定一计划,为这一行为负责(一个合理的计划安排是运动加节食,而不是提前让自己饿肚子)。提前做好安排计划,你不会涉及意志力的问题,更没有必要对自己讨价还价,也清理需要费工夫积压的杂物。这有一好消息:我们每个人都可以掌控我们自己的意志力,只要我们愿意。要么你控制自己的意志力,要么让意志力控制你。

我真的不需要评论,只需要你看完文章后,可以慢慢去思考,有所收获就行。